Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
