There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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