Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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