she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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