So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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