I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His nipple licking is glorious
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