Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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