Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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