I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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