his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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