having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
