Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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