even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
