my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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