I smell stomach acid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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