Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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