In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would ride that face into the sunset
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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