After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
