I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there is puke in my bra ... again
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