If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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