RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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