halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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