I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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