I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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