I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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