You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
