Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
