is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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