Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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