Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
