I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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