why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
