a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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