So drunk its hurt
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
