i was born a porn star she said
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
