hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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