i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
