I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
