Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize