what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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