when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
