I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize