he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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