I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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