Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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