How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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