Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
