My nipple is on Facebook.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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