im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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