final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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