You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
