shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize