matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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