I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
