what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
