HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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