A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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