what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
