Where did you get a picture of my penis
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
