who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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