using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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