dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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