If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
