They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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