just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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