Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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