I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
