Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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