Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
