Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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